Is your workday dragging? Surrounded by coworkers remotely who make you question your life choices? We've got you covered with 35 delightfully sarcastic quotes about office life. These zingers will help you survive the daily grind, one eye roll at a time.
35 Funny Sarcastic Quotes to Survive a Boring Work Day
1. "Coworkers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don't work and the other half aren't so bright."
2. "I'm not saying I hate my job, but I wouldn't mind if I got kidnapped on my way to work."
3. "My job is secure. No one else wants it."
4. "I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by."
5. "I have a lot of work to do, so I'm going to the bathroom for 45 minutes."
6. "The best part of my job is the short walk from my bed to my desk."
7. "I'm not procrastinating. I'm just waiting for inspiration to strike. It usually hits at 4:55 PM."
8. "My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home."
9. "I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier."
10. "I'm not saying my coworkers are stupid, but they make me look like a Nobel laureate."
11. "The office printer is possessed by a demon who feeds on human suffering and toner cartridges."
12. "I've got 99 problems, and this pointless meeting is all of them."
13. "I put my root canal on my calendar so I'd have something to look forward to."
14. "I'm not late. I just gave everyone else the gift of feeling early."
15. "My email password has been changed to 'incorrect.' So whenever I forget it, the computer will tell me 'Your password is incorrect.'"
16. "I'm not saying my job is boring, but I've named the dust bunnies under my desk."
17. "I don't have a short attention span, I just— Oh look, a squirrel!"
18. "I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right and everyone else is wrong."
19. "My coworkers' small talk is the reason I have noise-cancelling headphones."
20. "I don't need Google. My coworker knows everything... or so they think."
21. "The only thing worse than a Monday is the four other workdays that follow it."
22. "I'm not saying the office coffee is bad, but I'm pretty sure it's just brown crayon water."
23. "My work-life balance is like my actual balance after happy hour - nonexistent."
24. "I've mastered the art of looking busy while doing absolutely nothing."
25. "The office fridge is where good lunches go to die and science experiments are born."
26. "I'm not saying my boss is clueless, but they think 'deadline' is a font."
27. "My job description should just say: 'Ability to tolerate repeated, unnecessary meetings.'"
28. "I don't have a problem with authority. I have a problem with stupid authority."
29. "The office thermostat is set to 'menopausal polar bear.'"
30. "I'm not antisocial. I just enjoy the sound of silence more than the sound of my coworkers."
31. "My phone's battery lasts longer than my patience for this job."
32. "I don't need a motivational poster. I need motivational coworkers who know how to use 'Reply All' correctly."
33. "I'm not saying I'm overqualified, but I'm pretty sure my house plant could do my job."
34. "The only team-building exercise I'm interested in is building a team to help me escape this office."
35. "I don't have anger management issues. I have idiot management issues."
Final words
Remember, a healthy dose of sarcasm can be the perfect antidote to a mind-numbing day at the office. Keep these quotes handy for when you need a reality check or a sardonic chuckle. Just maybe don't post them on the company Slack channel – unless you're gunning for that "Most Likely to Be Fired" award.
